Desires and Abhors

Monday, May 29, 2006

luan4-
lei4-

Just got back from the hospital. Bloody infection. Okay so it started like this. Thursday; I went to see GP because there was a little inflammation on my wound. He gave me the same antibiotics as the previous time, but a different cream. I went home, took the medicine, applied the cream, and my inflammation area started to swell. I told -you-, that there s a problem, my wound has gotten worse. -You- insisted it is because I walked home and overworked my ankle. I said, I ve been given the clear to walk for a week already. You insisted you were right. Okay I shut up.
Friday; The swell got worse. Definitely something wrong. It was starting to affect my walking and i used one crutch. I told -you-. -You- scolded me, you insisted that it was because I walked, and that I refused to listen to advice. And later on, -you- said, the swell is for the pus to congregate together, before they come out. I insisted there s a problem. -You- threw some money on my table, said that I should go see the doctor on my own the next day.
Saturday; the swell got so bad, I used two crutches. Went to the doctor with -you-. Went in, doctor looked. He said, have to go hospital immediately. -You- said " Because he overworked and walked right?" Doctor said got nothing to do with that at all. -You- and I went out of the doctor's room. -You- said " there must have got something to do with your walking. I tell you how many times liao. blahblahblah".
I went "what the fuck", Okay that thing didnt come out from my mouth but bloody, even the doctor has clarified. Why can't -you- just take it?
Hospital.
Tan Tock Seng has nice nurses, friendly people. But they work in their own sweet time. I got there at six, got attended to at 7.30. X ray waiting area. Waited for 30 minutes. After I took the X ray, had to wait for another 20 minutes. Then I had to sit at somewhere. For 40 minutes. Before they said I needed to be warded. And the wait, was over an hour and a half. Made some friends there. And -You- came. I tried to get to you, how this could have been prevented, I had informed you that I needed medical attention. -You- scolded me and gave your own reasons. And then at the doctor's you realised that all your reasons were blooody far away and false. -You- still had to insist you were right.
I then said, "Lets take me to be one example. I wouldnt be here if you had listened, wouldnt it be? I am one living example. ming bai ma?"
-You- said " You think I want to be here or I want you to be here?"
I said, "Nono you re not getting me. What i mean is, take me to be an example. And a little reflection on what...."
-You- then called me a burden and that I was solely at fault.
I went speechless.

Burden. And all I ve been trying to do was explain. Burden.

It is exhaustion that burdens me, and confusion which breaks me. Halt please.

Anyway, I must thank angela also. For providing an unexpected companionship for these four days, pretty pleasant. =)
And for anyone's info, I m pretty much, open now. I have an open wound, which cannot be stitched up because it is a dirty wound. So I have to visit a GP or polyclinic everyday, to change the dressing, a bloody sight, and disgusting one also.

I ve lost too much, and Im still losing. Im all on my own.

11:34 PM